Hear ye, hear ye! The Sioux Falls Renaissance Festival did return this year with more fanfare than a dragon at a trumpet recital! From the very moment we didst park our metal steed, our spirits were lifted like a noble’s goblet — ‘twas immediately apparent this fest had grown mightier than a knight’s ego after slaying a chicken.
In a most generous act from the realm’s treasury, costumed adults received one gold coin, dollar, off their entry — a reward for bravery in donning corsets and chainmail on a hot summer’s morn.
Grub & Grog: A Culinary Quest
Our first quest for sustenance led us to the Kabob Keep, where alas, ten gold was demanded for but a morsel of meat upon rice, accompanied by a potion of lemonade that tasted suspiciously like sorcery most mild. We quickly ventured forth to The Lunchbox wagon, where for a mere eight gold you could procured a petite but palatable turkey leg.
Cheers rang through the land as Sir Wild Bill returned with his legendary root beer—an elixir beloved by peasants and nobles alike. Also hailing from the icy realms, Dakota Snow brought joy with rainbow shaved ice and the mythical pop-tart ice cream sandwich, which surely came straight from a wizard’s pantry.
Southern Perfection BBQ became the village favorite. Their hefty turkey legs ($17) could knock out a troll, and their roasted corn on the cob was… aggressively peppered. So peppered, in fact, that one bite had us casting the spell Summon drink. Still, the turkey leg was a feast fit for a jester!
Note to the kingdom: more tables are needed, lest younglings drop their turkey legs in the dirt and parents weep in hunger.
As always, the Mead Pub was bubbling with mirth and magic—Panacea Meadery ensuring no flagon stayed dry.
Wares of the Realm: Treasures & Trinkets
The Market Field was bustling with vendors and vagabonds. Wassail Horns enchanted us with jewelry forged from the bones and hides of ethically scavenged beasts—truly a barbarian’s bling.
But lo! The greatest addition to the market this year was a tavern game of great prestige: Gwent with the Witcher!
Toss a coin to your bard, indeed!
The Witcher himself was so captivating, he stirred my very soul into songcraft. So inspired was I, that I composed a bardic ballad in his honor—watch the music and video tribute here:
From crystal conjurers to leatherworkers, and Viking traders to enchanted scribes, the stalls were overflowing with curiosities. Among the spoils we claimed: a stylish new satchel for the fair maidens (our daughters), a captivating wolf cane sword, a beautifully crafted replica of Sting from The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and a whimsical health potion drink container to toast our victories. We also paid homage to new authors of the land by acquiring their sacred scrolls (books)!
Minstrels, Mages, and Merriment
The Crown Stage rang with the jesting of Zilch the TorySteller and the bawdy antics of the Tortuga Twins. The Dragon Tent featured the Naughty Bawdy Brigade, bards and belly dancers, and more innuendos than you can shake a lute at.
At the Royal Arena, brave knights did clash in a thunderous joust—children cheered, maidens swooned, and peasants shouted, “Get him in the shin!”
The Combat Arena offered all-day swordplay for aspiring squires and glory-seekers, while the Children’s Realm delighted with face painting, Viking tales, and dragons that didn’t breathe fire (thank the gods).
Final Proclamations
Verily, this year’s Sioux Falls Renaissance Festival was a grand tale of joy, jest, and jousting. Though seating be scarce and corn be spicy, the event delivered a wondrous blend of olde-world charm and family fun. Let the bards sing of this day for many moons to come—until we return once more with turkey legs in hand and mead in our hearts. Huzzah!
Such rich and magnanimous writing 🥰